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These fears I have

So,  I'm really not posting this for anyone else's consumption, though others will be able to view, but for myself.  So that I can lay out my fears related to the surgery I've decided to have. This won't be eloquent or pretty, it's just my raw thoughts on the what ifs of weight-loss surgery and what follows.

What if it doesn't work?  What if I ask my family to make this financial sacrifice and I'm still overweight and unhealthy and unhappy at the end?

What if I'm really the problem? What if I can't stick to the diet?  What if I ruin my own success?  What if I really have no self-control and can't do it?

What if I never look in the mirror and am happy with what I see?  What if I become obsessed with my appearance?

What if I'm still not active with my kids?  What if I'm still a side-line mom?  What if I still let my fears and insecurities keep me from being participative in their milestones?

What if I'm never able to say no to a second helping?  Or the chocolate chip cookie?  Or the BBQ sauce and mashed potatoes?

Those are my prayers for the next few months leading up to surgery.  Lord God, please burden my fears so that I do not have to carry them.  Please let me focus on making the right decisions and plans to be successful in this opportunity.  Give me wisdom to make healthy decisions.  Give me confidence and power to conquer these fears and silence the one who would seek to steal my joy.  Please put people in my life who will encourage, support, and help me along the way to be faithful to myself and my future as a healthy individual.

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